This post on What Are Your Friends Struggling With? was written by Jeffrey Chen. Jeffrey has a passion for sharing God’s love with the people around him. He blogs at The Wayvy Life.
Spending time with friends can be one of life’s greatest gifts. Whether you enjoy going to the movies, watching a game, grabbing food, visiting the mall, meeting at a bar, or simply relaxing at someone’s house, friendship often gives us a much-needed break from the stress and pressure of everyday life. Being with people we love can make us laugh, help us breathe, and remind us that life is not meant to be carried alone.
Recently, I have been watching the show A Million Little Things with my girlfriend. The story follows a close group of friends who love spending time together, especially when they gather to watch the Boston Bruins play hockey. On the surface, their friendship looks joyful and strong. They laugh together, celebrate together, and seem to know each other well.
But everything changes when Jon, the apparent leader of the group, dies by suicide. From the outside, Jon seemed to have everything: a successful career, a beautiful marriage, and a life many people would admire. His friends are devastated, but they are also shaken by a painful question: how did they not know one of their closest friends was struggling so deeply?
As the group grieves, they begin to realize that although they spent a lot of time together, they were not as emotionally close as they believed. They had fun together, but they did not always talk honestly about their pain, fears, personal battles, or hidden struggles. Their friendship was real, but it had remained on the surface in many important ways.
This is something many friendships experience today. We can know someone for years, share countless memories, and still not know what they are truly carrying. I did not become deeply vulnerable with some of my closest friends until my senior year of college, even though I had known them since freshman year. It took time, trust, and courage to admit that I was not always okay.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying friendship as a place of laughter, celebration, and rest. We all need moments where we can step away from sadness, anger, anxiety, or pressure and simply enjoy life. Those moments are good and meaningful. But real friendship must have room for both the good and the hard. The strongest relationships are built when friends are present not only for the celebrations, but also for the heartbreaks, disappointments, and silent battles.
Jesus gives us a powerful example of compassionate friendship. He shared meals, celebrated with others, and enjoyed community. But He also moved toward people in pain. He cared for the sick, comforted the grieving, and showed deep compassion to those who were hurting. His love was not limited to joyful moments. He entered into people’s suffering and met them with grace.
We are called to love others in that same spirit. You may have a friend whose parent is ill, whose marriage is strained, whose mental health is suffering, or whose life feels overwhelming. They may be smiling, laughing, and showing up like everything is fine, while quietly carrying a heavy burden. At the same time, you may have struggles of your own that you rarely speak about. The truth is, we all carry something.
That is why we need each other. Friends help carry one another’s burdens. If someone is truly your friend, they will want to know what you are going through. They will want to listen, pray, encourage, and walk with you. And if your friend came to you in pain, you would probably want to do the same for them.
Most of the time, the problem is not that we do not care. The problem is that it is easier to keep things light. It is easier to laugh, make plans, and pretend everything is fine than to admit you were crying a few hours earlier. It is easier to ask, “How are you?” and accept the automatic answer, “I’m good,” than to pause long enough to ask again with genuine concern.
So what can we do? We need to become more intentional in our friendships. We cannot assume our friends are as happy as they appear. Everyone is facing something, even if they do not show it. Instead of casually asking, “How are you doing?” we can ask with care and patience: “How are you really doing?” “Is everything okay?” “What has been weighing on you lately?” “What are you struggling with?” “How can I be praying for you?”
These questions can open the door to deeper, healthier, and more honest friendships. This does not mean every time you hang out with friends has to become a long, emotional conversation. Fun still matters. Laughter still matters. Celebration still matters. But friendship becomes even richer when people know they are safe enough to be honest.
Being vulnerable is not always easy. It can feel uncomfortable to let someone see the parts of your life that are messy, painful, or unresolved. It can also feel difficult to ask deeper questions because you may not know what to say if someone opens up. But often, your presence matters more than perfect words. Listening with love can be one of the greatest gifts you give.
So be willing to open up, and encourage your friends to do the same. Be the kind of friend who notices, listens, prays, and stays. Friendship is not only about having a good time, and it is not only about sharing sorrow. It is both, and it is much more than that. It is showing up in a million little ways.
As always, please feel free to reach out to me with feedback, questions, or anything else you would like to share. I am happy to talk about anything and everything. I hope you were able to take away something helpful from this post on What Are Your Friends Struggling With? You can reach me at [email protected].
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